Many a young lady does not realize just how strong her love for a young man is until he fails to pass the approval test with her parents.

I had the most enjoyable dream last night. So...apparently, I made plans with Mlle. Connelly (at least I think it was her) to have a photo shoot after school. Everything was all well and good until M. Lythgoe needed me to do him a favor. I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember Mlle. Connelly (who knows about my little thing with M. Lythgoe) urging me to forget the shoot and just go with M. Lythgoe. So I did. Then I remember a string of back-and-forth messages between him and I, and soon it was obvious that he was very enamoured with me. Then he invited me--last minute--to attend his birthday celebration which includes lunch at In-and-Out and then spending the next day at Disneyland. I was reluctant to go because I didn't really know the other people going well (when I woke up, I realized that the names of the people he listed were the Sims living in my neighborhood! Imagine that!), but he insisted that I go. I got caught up in something and couldn't make it to the lunch. He was disappointed but told me to meet him at his house at midnight since his parents were taking the load of us to Disneyland. Well, I woke up and showered, only to be told that it was already 1:47 AM. So, I phoned him and said I wouldn't be making it. He told me that it was alright and that he was waiting for me anyways. Then I realized that I didn't know where his house was. Then I woke up.

Sure, it's not that exciting, but being in a dream where I am deeply loved and cherished makes it hard for me to wake up in the morning, especially when I have to wake up at five to finish my homework. I love those dreams. I remember when I was enamoured with Ben Barnes after watching the second Narnia movie.

God, we were in serious love. Compared to my previous love dreams, this is is barely anything. The other ones make me feel empty afterward. Like the one with Ben Barnes, I felt like I lost something for about three days.

But the ironic thing about this dream is that today is the day that M. Lythgoe is asking Mlle. Pillado.

Okay, so possible explanations:

• Mlle. Connelly and Mlle. Karch and I have agreed to go running with each other at least once a week to get ready for prom. I seriously need to tone my legs. So, all that planning with Mlle. Karch the night before must have gotten me to this part of the dream.
• And then the portrait photo shoot is pretty explanatory.
• M. Lythgoe just seems to occupy my mind much more often now that I know he's going with someone else. Asshole.
• His friends (my Sims) are the result of playing the Sims 3 the night before.
• I don't know the part about In-and-Out, but I do know that the lunch thing is from forever forgetting to get my ID card stamped for the off-campus lunch pass thing.
• And Disneyland is because I've never been there and that Grad Night this year will be at Six Flags instead of Disneyland.

Yup. That's about it, I think, for the dream.

Today, I went jogging around the neighborhood. I jogged for three minutes and ran out of breathe. It felt like my throat was infected and on fire. But I kept jogging down the huge hill, and then I walked it back up. My upper thighs hurt when I move now. I'm kind of glad that I went kind of late because, even though there were cars, nobody honked at me today. I don't know why is it that guys honk when they see girls walking. This car, this one time, honked and then the guy from the passenger seat stuck his head out the windows and stared at me until the car disappeared. Um, WTF? Like, how do you expect us to respond when you honk? Wave? I don't think so.

I finished my first gouache painting today. I must admit that even though I do like it, I also find it less satisfactory that what I imagined the effect would be. I think it is because I don't have enough white space so it looks extremely mediocre.

My mother is so ridiculous. She wants to bring this country girl from Vietnam over to match-make her with my eldest cousin, who was born and raised here. Seriously? They'll have nothing in common! It's a match made in hell. Then she wants my brother--who is currently 12--to do the same! What the eff? NO. By that time, I'll be an adult and I'll be on his side, telling her how ridiculous she is. She always says white girls spend their husbands' money, black girls have ugly babies, Mexican girls have too many fat babies, and Filipino girls are lazy and ugly, and that only true Vietnamese girls are the best because they take care of their families. She forgets about their other good traits too: possessiveness, gossipy, nosy, and unreasonable. My brother and I will marry the people who will make us most happy, not the people who'll make her most happy. Like, she's so good at choosing potential spouse. The last thing I want is for my marriage to resemble my parents' in any way. Their marriage is ridiculous. Mine will never ever ever ever be like them. If it does turn out that way, I'd rather file for a divorce that have my daughter (or twin daughters) raised in such an abnormal and unhappy household.

I'm moving as far away as possible so she'll no longer have any say in my life.

Oh, yes, before I forget...the Calculus test that I felt good going into but thought I failed..that test, well, I got a D on it without the curve, but with the curve, I got a B!

Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attraction

The other day I had a dream about going off to college. It was my first day there. Since everyone was excited to make friends, people would go up to each other and introduce themselves. I introduced myself as Tu Tram, the name I want to by in college. I was giddy throughout the whole dream up to the point where I dumped my fiance (please let this fiance-dumping thing not be a sign in my future or a recurring motif in my dreams), but that is a whole different story. Once I was awake, I could still feel the giddiness.

I just can't wait to get out of here. I want to go somewhere new, where people will meet me as I am now, not me as I was five years ago; somewhere that will inspire me to take my creativity to the next level; somewhere far, far away from here.

My parents will be leaving the country for Vietnam in a month for three weeks, meaning I'll have complete freedom for three weeks! Whoot whoot. I'm planning to visit Mlle. Johnston's dance studio and take pictures of the ballerinas as they dance and go to the mall afterwards with Mlle. Smith to visit H&M and get my black coat and leather jacket. Sounds fun and normal, ya?

My thing for taking portraits has increased exponentially these past few days. I really want to ask my female friends to model for me, starting with Mlle. Smith. She has an ordinarily pleasant face. I know for a fact that Mlle. Velasco photographs well--the highs and lows of her face balance out 2-D, I think. I would love to capture Mlle. Johnston's serious and graceful ballerina-ness. I don't know how Mlle. Jang will look behind the lens--I would sure love to find out, for she is so very charming. So is Mlle. Tran (the older). Mlle. Tran (the younger) is also very charming. I think she photographs nicely as well. Oh! Mlle. Kaila has the face that I want to photograph the most. It is very elegant and reminds me of a Spanish princess back during the Tudors' dynasty. I would love to photograph her. And little Mlle. Brinser too. But if I photographed Mlle. Brinser, I would have to photograph Mlle. Velasco's little sister who is just a--I love her and all, but...--little pest. She wouldn't make a good model; she moves around way too much. I can't work with someone who can't and won't take directions. Mlle. Smith's sister looks somewhat like her. I like how she looks very angelic. I think she would look very nice 2-D, but it would messed up to ask all of the freshmen and leave Mlle. Velasco's little sister out. So, the little ones are out.

My inspiration for the portraits:

Permission to be perfectly quiet and sane every night

I had the coolest dream ever, and I just have to put it somewhere so I won't forget. Few things beat finding stuff you'd forgotten.

Anyways, I was doing my daily jog in Morningside Park in New York City (so hopefully I was or had been attending Barnard College) when this really ruggedly handsome guy came up and jogged beside me. Like, tall, dark, and handsome--almost like Mme. McElroy's son, but probably a bit fairer. So things blurred and I just knew that we were a couple. Then I remember going jogging again and this really cute, blonde-hair-blue-eyes guy came and jogged next to me. I found out that he was a doctor (I mean, can he get any better?) and he was interested. So I kept seeing him while dating my boyfriend, who was a musician and who turned out to be my fiance since I found his grandmother's engagement ring on my finger. It was all nice and dandy for a while before my doctor boyfriend asked to come with him to an office party at the end of the year.

It turned out that both of them had a mutual friend who saw me with the doctor guy, who conveniently introduced me as his girlfriend. The mutual friend, who was gay and very cute, pulled me aside and told me I couldn't do this to them. I agreed, and he became my friend too. So we were kind of discussing who I should keep, and I chose the doctor guy because I reasoned that since I wanted beautiful daughters, the doctor guy would be a greater help since his features would be lovely on a girl.

So, right after my fiance's very important concert, I told him that I was cheating on him with the doctor guy, that I was pregnant with his child (a girl-child, of course), and I wanted to break up. However, I asked if we could still be friends and "jogging buddies"--that part was directly from my dreams. He was dejected but agreed to be my friend and wished me best of luck.

During the wedding planning process, my ex-fiance was very helpful, going with me from the cake bakeries to the boutiques to the flower shops. He was very supportive. I grew insanely huge because of the baby, and since I was pregnant, I found it necessary to stop taking showers (it made perfect logical sense in the dream), so I became fat, gross, pimply, and greasy. I ordered my dress in size 16 (I'm a 0 in real life, so that's huge) and requested that cameras be left at home. When I tried on my dress for the last time before buying it, I remember having my picture taken with my ex-fiance while he was dressed in the groom's outfit.

A few weeks before the wedding, my current fiance--the doctor--avoided me. I think I was probably giving birth around this time. In the end, the gay friend came and told me that my fiance told him to tell me that he couldn't marry such a fat and dirty woman, so he called the whole thing off and went away. I remember saying, "Well, I can be single, right? I mean, there's no crime in being single. In fact, I don't need a man."

When I told my ex-fiance--the musician, he said, "Well, since you don't have anyone right now, take me back. I still want to marry you." I was so touched. Especially after he busted me out of prison.

I don't know how it transitioned from me about to get married--after giving birth to my daughter, I must say I looked gorgeous at my wedding--in the surreal version of the house on Pala Mesa Drive to getting left behind (not yet married) at an abandoned house where bank robbers started shooting each other to get a bigger share. Well, some died, and the rest left, not knowing that I was there. I was convicted to killing those dead robbers and thrown in jail.

Well, my fiance came and busted me out. I snuck through a crack in the wall and jumped in this vehicle and experienced the BEST car chase scene in the entire world. Then I woke up before I could even get married.

Here's what I think of it:

• Morningside Park is there because of my obsession with going to (then) Columbia and (now) Barnard.
• The jogging part is probably inspired by the scene in My Best Friend's Girl where Dane Cook tries to jog beside Kate Hudson to win her back.
• The musician fiance is semi-inspired by Jane's boss from 27 Dresses--a movie about weddings.
• It's a bit of a stretch, but the doctor guy is probably somewhat inspired by Chase from House since he's so cute now with his haircut.
• I know for sure the gay guy is the same guy I met at Forever 21.
• I've always wanted a girl. Just one. I'm glad this is evident in my dreams.
• The layout for the hospital where the doctor works is the exact one of St. John's Hospital where I volunteer weekly.
• The part about the wedding planning process was taken from More Than Blue, this Korean movie that I watched on the plane. Best movie ever.  I only recognize it because the girl--who is also getting married--asks her best friend--the guy who's in love with her--to wear the groom's tux, and requests a quick picture of just the two of them. It may seems kind of cruel for her to do it, but once you get through the whole movie and find out why she asks him, you'll get it.
• The extra weight is from this insane thought that invaded my head the other day. All of of sudden, I wondered if I was really fat or really ugly, and people were just being nice to me because of my extreme fatness/ugliness, my clothes were bought in large sizes because my brain switched the numbers around to make the delusion real, and my brain was projecting an image of a make believe person for my reflection. I think they call it depersonalization when you think your reflection isn't you. Sometimes the thought enters my head, but I just leave the room because that kind of thinking is what gives you NIGHTMARES. Sometimes, whenever someone would sit next to another person instead of me, I would kind of wonder if it was because my rolls of fat were taking up all the space and I just didn't see it and others were too polite to point out that I was actually taking up the whole bench, not just half of the bench like I perceive. God, I am talking like a crazy person.
• The part about me being convicted just because I was there was from a little snippet my sister told me from the movie Freedom Writers.
• The car chase scene is DEFINITELY from Fast and Furious. I watch that movie way too many time.