Monday, May 9, 2011

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.

I wonder if I live vicariously through M. Dow. I sure hope not. He's a pleasant person to talk to, but I'd hate to become obsessively attached to him.

At first, I showed him songs from Amelie and he showed me classical music and this screamo song that was actually pretty good. Then...

We discussed his kinky sexual habits. Jesus, he's very adventurous and experimental between the sheets. And on the other end of the spectrum, there are people like me.

We went from there and got to the topic of marriage. I said I didn't want to not get married because then I would feel like my relationship wasn't stable. He said if he could find a compatible person, he would marry her if that's what she wanted. He said he'd married me if I wanted; he did admit that the scenario was far fetch but not impossible. I said we wouldn't be compatible. He said he thought that we were. I said that he'd be the one thinking for the two of us while I'd be in the corner just following along. He said that he was trying to get me to think for myself, but I could feel his influence whether he extended them or not.

I swear to God, he looks so clean cut and innocent, like someone I would bring home to meet the parents, but he's totally not. Like, my parents would be fooled and they would love him though. The bunch of them don't like black people, are homophobic, don't believe in welfare, and think whites and Asians are the best. Plus, he's atheist and he's a musical genius, so it's perfect. My mother would love him.

Except I feel like he's leading me down the road of depravity. He doesn't believe in honor. He believes that we were born simply to have children to preserve the human race, and everything else in life is just decorations. Well, that's lovely, but having children is definitely not my main goal in life. I believe in honor. I definitely believe in honor.

Speak of which, I found out today that Mlle. Connelly, who is Catholic and was supposed to wait for marriage, actually had already had sex. Like, she was reluctant, but the way she told it was like he pressured her into doing it. She said their whole relationship was based on sex. She told me to wait and that she regretted not waiting.

It just seems like we are forced to grow up too fast. M. Dow says sex isn't a big deal, and yeah, it's convincing when it's told from a guy's perspective and over the Internet. But here is my good friend, one of us, a part of me, being forced and pressured into having sex. I don't think girls can separate affection from sex like guys can. It's just not the same. I know I'm not the most authoritative person to speak about this subject, but I don't like it. Not one bit. I said she should dump him. She's too good for him. He'll only cripple her and drag her down.

So...M. Lythgoe. What is up with that kid? The office girl came today in math class to deliver notes, and M. Lythgoe got one. Yeah, so what? Big deal. But he let out a loud "whoot." I couldn't help but turned around and looked. He made eye contact with me and looked at me as he smiled and said, "I'd never gotten one before." Of course, I couldn't help it and smiled, but I averted my eyes and returned to my task. He left the class. While he was gone, the class was broken up into groups of four to work on the FRQ's from last week's AP Test (oh, God. Why couldn't we just left it be?). He came back and joined my group even though my group already had four people while Mlle. Pillado's group only had three. I didn't talk to him much because I resolved to give him the cold shoulder when I found out he asked Mlle. Pillado to Prom. Mme. Kennedy later took him from our group and had him form another group with Mlle. Yun from our class to work on the last problem.

I hate how boys give mixed signals. Either you like me or you don't. Stop jerking my chains. But that's okay if he tries because I won't let him disturb my chains the second time around.

I am now friends with M. Reyniers on Facebook. Yup. Exciting news.

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