So I kind of told my mom that living with her restraints me. Oops. Big. Mistake.
She didn't get mad. She just started saying stuff and then crying. Of course, I started crying way before because I'm ahuge-ass big baby. She takes it like I'm rejecting her, but I'm not! I just need room to grow.
But after a shower, she just kind of went on like normally. Then we drove to LA and she was just telling me a bunch of stuff, but it was weird cause it was just really normal. I hope she realizes that I need room to grow and just kind of supports me for it. I hope she's NOT keeping for future fights.
Other than that, the day went fine. She even suggested that we take yoga classes in the summer together.
I think the reason why she took it so hard is because I'm her favorite child and now I'm saying I don't want to live with her. I know I'm her favorite child because she told me when she thought I was sleeping. It's nice to be the favorite child, the subject of all of her stories, but sometimes it feels like she's molding me into an extension of herself.
The other day, I read this article in Vogue (like, the one that came out in 2008) about how having a beautiful mother affects the author's upbringing and choices. Well, the mother was extremely beautiful and sought after, like mine, and she was always going on about how beauty wasn't important, like mine does. The mother in the article always acted like she was unaware of her beauty, but the author witnessed how long it took for her to pick the perfect dress, to do her hair, to moisturize her skin...just the extend that the mother goes to to preserve her beauty while saying it didn't matter. Mine's not like that. She doesn't take good care of herself like she should. Anyways, the author resented her mother for saying that beauty didn't matter so often, because she felt like her mother was only saying that because the author herself wasn't beautiful. Story of my life. The author then kind of rejects her mother and all that she stands for; she embraces literature and politics, stuff that her father, a literary critic or whatever, was into. So they would be debating stuff at the dinner table and the mother would be completely shut out. Okay, that's not going to work with my mother because my mother wasn't always beautiful. In fact, she told me that she was really ugly up until after puberty...at about 18, 19ish. So, before that, she had to rely on her brain to get what she wanted, and she got a lot because she was clever and witty. And then she got beautiful.
And there's me, who's dull and unintelligent. Saying that I'm pretty is a bit of stretch. I'm just hoping I'll turn beautiful before I turn 30, because, as everybody knows, that's when you get old and decrepit. Yeah, I'm not wearing a wedding dress after 30 because then I'll be an old bride and an old mother and my daughter won't be as smart because eggs would be too old. Omigosh, what if my daughter is stupid?
Anyways, I'm definitely going to change my name. I've talked it over with my mother and she heartily approves. Khue Tu. I don't know if I like that sound of that. It has a great meaning though. Khue Tu, in Sino-Vietnamese, is a literary name for the brightest star in the sky. I looked it up, and it said that it's actually comprised of a bunch of stars (no wonder it's brightest). She gave that name to because she wanted me to outshine the people around me...someone others can look up to. Khue is also a lady's bedchamber. Back when noble ladies are kept inside, the bedchamber is only opened to those of great importance...so she wants me to be selective of those whom I give my happiness to (oh, God, if that sentence doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry), and be elegant and graceful and accomplished ("A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern language, to deserve the word" and "To all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."--Jane Austen) as those ladies who inhabit those chambers. Tu is generally a very masculine name, like Tuan Tu (I used to have crush on this kid with this name...first grade), which means handsome and intelligent with abilities to lead. So...in a very sexist society, my mother gave me the name Tu, hoping that I will take on good traits of the male species and lead those who need leading, like my future pets (JK.)
Tomorrow, my mother, Mlle. Smith, and I are going to Irvine for UCI Discovery Day. Yay! I'm excited. Then we're going to a massage place afterward. Hopefully it'll all go well.
I can think of more stuff that get me excited:
She didn't get mad. She just started saying stuff and then crying. Of course, I started crying way before because I'm a
But after a shower, she just kind of went on like normally. Then we drove to LA and she was just telling me a bunch of stuff, but it was weird cause it was just really normal. I hope she realizes that I need room to grow and just kind of supports me for it. I hope she's NOT keeping for future fights.
Other than that, the day went fine. She even suggested that we take yoga classes in the summer together.
I think the reason why she took it so hard is because I'm her favorite child and now I'm saying I don't want to live with her. I know I'm her favorite child because she told me when she thought I was sleeping. It's nice to be the favorite child, the subject of all of her stories, but sometimes it feels like she's molding me into an extension of herself.
The other day, I read this article in Vogue (like, the one that came out in 2008) about how having a beautiful mother affects the author's upbringing and choices. Well, the mother was extremely beautiful and sought after, like mine, and she was always going on about how beauty wasn't important, like mine does. The mother in the article always acted like she was unaware of her beauty, but the author witnessed how long it took for her to pick the perfect dress, to do her hair, to moisturize her skin...just the extend that the mother goes to to preserve her beauty while saying it didn't matter. Mine's not like that. She doesn't take good care of herself like she should. Anyways, the author resented her mother for saying that beauty didn't matter so often, because she felt like her mother was only saying that because the author herself wasn't beautiful. Story of my life. The author then kind of rejects her mother and all that she stands for; she embraces literature and politics, stuff that her father, a literary critic or whatever, was into. So they would be debating stuff at the dinner table and the mother would be completely shut out. Okay, that's not going to work with my mother because my mother wasn't always beautiful. In fact, she told me that she was really ugly up until after puberty...at about 18, 19ish. So, before that, she had to rely on her brain to get what she wanted, and she got a lot because she was clever and witty. And then she got beautiful.
And there's me, who's dull and unintelligent. Saying that I'm pretty is a bit of stretch. I'm just hoping I'll turn beautiful before I turn 30, because, as everybody knows, that's when you get old and decrepit. Yeah, I'm not wearing a wedding dress after 30 because then I'll be an old bride and an old mother and my daughter won't be as smart because eggs would be too old. Omigosh, what if my daughter is stupid?
Anyways, I'm definitely going to change my name. I've talked it over with my mother and she heartily approves. Khue Tu. I don't know if I like that sound of that. It has a great meaning though. Khue Tu, in Sino-Vietnamese, is a literary name for the brightest star in the sky. I looked it up, and it said that it's actually comprised of a bunch of stars (no wonder it's brightest). She gave that name to because she wanted me to outshine the people around me...someone others can look up to. Khue is also a lady's bedchamber. Back when noble ladies are kept inside, the bedchamber is only opened to those of great importance...so she wants me to be selective of those whom I give my happiness to (oh, God, if that sentence doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry), and be elegant and graceful and accomplished ("A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern language, to deserve the word" and "To all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."--Jane Austen) as those ladies who inhabit those chambers. Tu is generally a very masculine name, like Tuan Tu (I used to have crush on this kid with this name...first grade), which means handsome and intelligent with abilities to lead. So...in a very sexist society, my mother gave me the name Tu, hoping that I will take on good traits of the male species and lead those who need leading, like my future pets (JK.)
Tomorrow, my mother, Mlle. Smith, and I are going to Irvine for UCI Discovery Day. Yay! I'm excited. Then we're going to a massage place afterward. Hopefully it'll all go well.
I can think of more stuff that get me excited:
WINTER CLOTHES!
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