Dear Monsieur TP,
I'm not okay with not seeing you everyday. Actually, I'm missing you like crazy. Everyday, every year, I tell myself I'll get over you, and I do...for the moment. Then I see you and I fall right back to square one.
I know Vu Lan is in the summer, but I don't know when. I've convinced my mother to go to your temple even though it's 44 minutes away. I can't wait to see you even though I know seeing you means I'll have to deal with the possibility of you forgetting about me.
I shouldn't have set my alarm ringtone as "Miss You" by Ed Sheeran during my stay there. I remember trying to wake myself up at five in the morning just so I could be near you setting up tables. Heck, I even listened to Buddhist lectures just to sit a few centimeters away from you. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is. But that's beside the point. Now every time I wake up to that song, I think of you even if I'd promised myself minutes before that I would forget about you.
I don't have the heart to change the ringtone. I like that song and I like you and I like how it reminds me of you even if it's the most painful feeling in the world, liking and missing someone. Upon waking and hearing that song and thinking of you, all my happiness drains and rushes down to my feet, dragging me down with it. My whole body feels like lead and my heart disappears, leaving a gaping hole where it should have been.
I can feel myself slipping away from sanity. I'm going crazy. All I can think about is you even though I can no longer conjure up your face in my mind--a damnable side effect of doing it too much.
I was cleaning out my closet today and I found one of the hairnets that I've used for An Cu Kiet Ha, and I threw it out after much deliberation only to immediately snatch it back from the trash because it reminded me of you and of our time together. I went and threw it out again because I was being ridiculous; it was a hairnet--I'd never use that hairnet again. And I got it out of the trashcan again. That went on for the third time until I stuffed it all the way to the bottom of the trashcan and took the trash out.
And when I looked up the distance between the temple and UCI, I nearly cried. One hour and twenty two minutes away.
My brain is telling me it won't work out between us; my heart doesn't want to believe it. Is it horrible for me to hope, wish, and pray that you're experiencing the same horrible feelings too?
Love,
Moi
I'm not okay with not seeing you everyday. Actually, I'm missing you like crazy. Everyday, every year, I tell myself I'll get over you, and I do...for the moment. Then I see you and I fall right back to square one.
I know Vu Lan is in the summer, but I don't know when. I've convinced my mother to go to your temple even though it's 44 minutes away. I can't wait to see you even though I know seeing you means I'll have to deal with the possibility of you forgetting about me.
I shouldn't have set my alarm ringtone as "Miss You" by Ed Sheeran during my stay there. I remember trying to wake myself up at five in the morning just so I could be near you setting up tables. Heck, I even listened to Buddhist lectures just to sit a few centimeters away from you. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is. But that's beside the point. Now every time I wake up to that song, I think of you even if I'd promised myself minutes before that I would forget about you.
I don't have the heart to change the ringtone. I like that song and I like you and I like how it reminds me of you even if it's the most painful feeling in the world, liking and missing someone. Upon waking and hearing that song and thinking of you, all my happiness drains and rushes down to my feet, dragging me down with it. My whole body feels like lead and my heart disappears, leaving a gaping hole where it should have been.
I can feel myself slipping away from sanity. I'm going crazy. All I can think about is you even though I can no longer conjure up your face in my mind--a damnable side effect of doing it too much.
I was cleaning out my closet today and I found one of the hairnets that I've used for An Cu Kiet Ha, and I threw it out after much deliberation only to immediately snatch it back from the trash because it reminded me of you and of our time together. I went and threw it out again because I was being ridiculous; it was a hairnet--I'd never use that hairnet again. And I got it out of the trashcan again. That went on for the third time until I stuffed it all the way to the bottom of the trashcan and took the trash out.
And when I looked up the distance between the temple and UCI, I nearly cried. One hour and twenty two minutes away.
My brain is telling me it won't work out between us; my heart doesn't want to believe it. Is it horrible for me to hope, wish, and pray that you're experiencing the same horrible feelings too?
Love,
Moi
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