My goodness, M. Paff's gotten me addicted to League of Legends. Yup. We're such geeks. It's all fun and good except I hate how sometimes he gets annoyed at how I suck at computer games.
I feel so uneasy whenever this one girl--who's also going to UCI next fall--talks to him on Facebook. She tags him in EVERYTHING, and I'm scared that maybe M. Paff is my BFF, but I'm not his. Maybe this girl is his BFF. He reassures me that I'm his BFF, though, which is good. I know this is really trivial and juvenile, but right now, M. Paff is my only friend at UCI. I just feel like having at least one companion will give me and him a better leverage when meeting new people. Like, I'm not as worried about meeting new people if I know have a solid base behind me. With most of my friends MIA, M. Paff makes up the majority of my base right now. Maybe I'm just anxious about the possibility that M. Paff will like this other girl better and ditch me for her. I don't know. Why am I so insecure? My insecurity must be annoying and it probably drives away people which leads to me not having any friends, and not having any friends makes me insecure. It's a vicious cycle!
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting too attached to M. Paff. Like, I want him to pay attention to me and talk to me all the time. I want him to like me, but I don't like him like that; I know that's really selfish and unfair of me, but that's how it is right now. One possible explanation for this is I'm just lonely and insecure right now and he's my only friend and he's also a boy and I'm attracted to him so I want him to want me too as proof that I am indeed desirable. I don't know. Maybe I'm getting attached because we kissed. I don't know, but I do know for a fact that I don't like him. At least, not now.
M. Dow says that I'm fooling myself if I think my friendship with M. Paff is completely platonic.
Speaking of M. Dow...Hurricane Irene is said to hit Long Island the hardest and that's where he lives. I'm scared for him. I haven't heard from him in days and right before, he said that he needed to talk to me ASAP, but I wasn't there. Oh, God.
I feel so uneasy whenever this one girl--who's also going to UCI next fall--talks to him on Facebook. She tags him in EVERYTHING, and I'm scared that maybe M. Paff is my BFF, but I'm not his. Maybe this girl is his BFF. He reassures me that I'm his BFF, though, which is good. I know this is really trivial and juvenile, but right now, M. Paff is my only friend at UCI. I just feel like having at least one companion will give me and him a better leverage when meeting new people. Like, I'm not as worried about meeting new people if I know have a solid base behind me. With most of my friends MIA, M. Paff makes up the majority of my base right now. Maybe I'm just anxious about the possibility that M. Paff will like this other girl better and ditch me for her. I don't know. Why am I so insecure? My insecurity must be annoying and it probably drives away people which leads to me not having any friends, and not having any friends makes me insecure. It's a vicious cycle!
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting too attached to M. Paff. Like, I want him to pay attention to me and talk to me all the time. I want him to like me, but I don't like him like that; I know that's really selfish and unfair of me, but that's how it is right now. One possible explanation for this is I'm just lonely and insecure right now and he's my only friend and he's also a boy and I'm attracted to him so I want him to want me too as proof that I am indeed desirable. I don't know. Maybe I'm getting attached because we kissed. I don't know, but I do know for a fact that I don't like him. At least, not now.
M. Dow says that I'm fooling myself if I think my friendship with M. Paff is completely platonic.
Speaking of M. Dow...Hurricane Irene is said to hit Long Island the hardest and that's where he lives. I'm scared for him. I haven't heard from him in days and right before, he said that he needed to talk to me ASAP, but I wasn't there. Oh, God.
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