Dear M. Paff,
I kind of do--but kind of don't--remember how we first became friends. Crazy as it sounds, I've actually tried to analyze it numerous times, and I've thought about setting up the same conditions so I could meet someone who would click with me as well as you did. But things don't work like that because they're not you, so some of the conditions are already not matching up.
Truth is...I think you're the first friend I've ever truly loved...my first real best friend. I could tell you everything...from crushes to bowel movements...absolutely everything and you never once thought I was crazy for it. I loved how you were so attentive and awkwardly charming and open. You enjoyed talking to me and I loved talking to you because we always had such a hilarious time.
Sometimes I look back and I kind of, semi regret ever bringing up the whole friends with benefits thing. Sometimes I think that whole fuck buddy business's partly responsible for the decline of our relationship. Maybe friends aren't meant to be touched in that way by friends; we're just not supposed to have that kind of thoughts about each other. But I don't think I would have done anything differently had I known.
I don't know what'd happened to us. We suddenly went from being thisclose to barely talking. I loved you for a while; I really did, and I had never ever thought that I could love another human being, but I did. I loved you. I was so fond of you. And it felt so good to love someone and be loved in return.
Then we got to college...everything started going wrong with us at college. You closed up. You grew distant. You accused me of being clingy for the littlest things. You said I was your closest friend, but you didn't treat me like one. You stopped telling me things, slowly cutting me out of your life and didn't really give a fuck if you were still in mine or not. You treated me like shit and expected me to drop whatever I was doing to entertain you. Really? I don't think so. I was no longer among your top priorities. Hell, it'd be such an outrageous lie to even say I'm on the list at all. That's not how best friends treat each other. You've always been at the top for me, but I think it's finally time for you to get off the list.
I've woken up today and realized that I don't love you anymore. You were special to me because I was fond of you, but now that you no longer have my love, you're just another person, and, quite frankly, I don't give a shit about other people.
I don't know why or how things have turned out this way, but I'm sure glad I realize that this early. No more dealing with your mood swings, no more trying to keep the conversations alive after the fifty millionth one-word reply, and no more getting annoyed as you repeatedly ditch me for other people.
Now that I think about all these things, I'm kind of getting mad because I shouldn't have let it get this far. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. I wish things were different, and that we were still BFFs, but I'm kind of glad that we're not anymore. I like you still, but I don't think I could ever go back to loving you the way I did because I loved you a lot.
Not anymore, though. I'm just kind of bummed that the BFF seat is now vacant. You've filled it quite well for a while.
Your friend,
I kind of do--but kind of don't--remember how we first became friends. Crazy as it sounds, I've actually tried to analyze it numerous times, and I've thought about setting up the same conditions so I could meet someone who would click with me as well as you did. But things don't work like that because they're not you, so some of the conditions are already not matching up.
Truth is...I think you're the first friend I've ever truly loved...my first real best friend. I could tell you everything...from crushes to bowel movements...absolutely everything and you never once thought I was crazy for it. I loved how you were so attentive and awkwardly charming and open. You enjoyed talking to me and I loved talking to you because we always had such a hilarious time.
Sometimes I look back and I kind of, semi regret ever bringing up the whole friends with benefits thing. Sometimes I think that whole fuck buddy business's partly responsible for the decline of our relationship. Maybe friends aren't meant to be touched in that way by friends; we're just not supposed to have that kind of thoughts about each other. But I don't think I would have done anything differently had I known.
I don't know what'd happened to us. We suddenly went from being thisclose to barely talking. I loved you for a while; I really did, and I had never ever thought that I could love another human being, but I did. I loved you. I was so fond of you. And it felt so good to love someone and be loved in return.
Then we got to college...everything started going wrong with us at college. You closed up. You grew distant. You accused me of being clingy for the littlest things. You said I was your closest friend, but you didn't treat me like one. You stopped telling me things, slowly cutting me out of your life and didn't really give a fuck if you were still in mine or not. You treated me like shit and expected me to drop whatever I was doing to entertain you. Really? I don't think so. I was no longer among your top priorities. Hell, it'd be such an outrageous lie to even say I'm on the list at all. That's not how best friends treat each other. You've always been at the top for me, but I think it's finally time for you to get off the list.
I've woken up today and realized that I don't love you anymore. You were special to me because I was fond of you, but now that you no longer have my love, you're just another person, and, quite frankly, I don't give a shit about other people.
I don't know why or how things have turned out this way, but I'm sure glad I realize that this early. No more dealing with your mood swings, no more trying to keep the conversations alive after the fifty millionth one-word reply, and no more getting annoyed as you repeatedly ditch me for other people.
Now that I think about all these things, I'm kind of getting mad because I shouldn't have let it get this far. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. I wish things were different, and that we were still BFFs, but I'm kind of glad that we're not anymore. I like you still, but I don't think I could ever go back to loving you the way I did because I loved you a lot.
Not anymore, though. I'm just kind of bummed that the BFF seat is now vacant. You've filled it quite well for a while.
Your friend,
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