This week fucking sucks. There's so many things going on. With me, with Mlle. Chu, and with Mlle. Nguyen. All involving boys.
Well, let's start with the good things this week. The day before yesterday, the bunch of us slept over at M. Nikitin's room. Then yesterday, we all hungout and stayed up hella late and had lots of fun. Then today we go with M. Nikitin to the beach clean up.
The beach's so fucking nice. We've made plans to bike there the Sunday after next. I'm so excited.
Then the bad shit:
So I haven't been hanging out or talking to M. Paff lately because I'm tired of being the only one making an effort. So yesterday, he messaged me on Skype and asked why he couldn't make friends. Well, buddy your problem isn't with making friends; it's keeping them that's the problem. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "Nothing," so I was like, "Then why did you bother to even ask me if you weren't going to talk about it?" He was like, "Fine. Then leave me alone." I was like, "K. Well, there's your answer."
Mlle. Nguyen was there, and she asked why I put up with it. I've been asking myself that question quite frequently these past few weeks.
Getting pissed at each other right before Mlle. Mayeda came over was a bad idea. He calls me on Skype at noon to let me know that she's arrived, but I miss it because of the beach clean up. Then I borrow Mlle. Yee's phone to call him. He calls me back after a while and brings Mlle. Mayeda over. I give her a very warm welcome, and he's like, "How come I don't get a smile?" and I'm like, "Cause you're you."
The three of us hang out in my common room and eventually end up in his room, watching funny videos on YouTube. The whole time, we're sitting very near each other to the point of almost touching, but I always move myself away when we do touch. Sure, at that range, I'm very attracted, but I feel more empowered holding myself back then letting myself go. I was supposed to get dinner with a bunch of people at 6:30, but Mlle. Mayeda has to leave at 6:30, so the three of us go eat an hour earlier.
It's nice when we're with her, but once she leaves, the pleasantness goes away. When I wave to someone who's staring at me while running, he says that I'm embarrassing sometimes, and I'm like, "Well, you're boring, and I'd rather be strange than be boring." After that, it's total silence. He walks like, five feet in front of me, and I don't even bother to keep pace with him. Then he just walks back to his hall without saying good bye, but since I'm civilized and well-mannered, I yell goodbye and leave.
Then I get home and hangout with the girls. Mlle. Yee knows about whole thing with M. Paff so she asks about it. Then later that night, he messages me on Skype again and the conversation goes like this:
[10/9/2011 9:09:18 PM] M. Paff: lemme ask u sumthing
[10/9/2011 9:09:30 PM] Me: ask away
[10/9/2011 9:09:42 PM] M. Paff: am i an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:09:51 PM] Me: yeah
[10/9/2011 9:09:56 PM] M. Paff: k :/
[10/9/2011 9:10:23 PM] Me: would you rather that I lie?
[10/9/2011 9:45:40 PM] M. Paff: cool.
[10/9/2011 9:46:47 PM] Me: are you hurt?
[10/9/2011 9:48:08 PM] M. Paff: why am i an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:52:38 PM] Me: I feel like you don't value our friendship as much as you should
[10/9/2011 9:53:43 PM] Me: Like, you replying "k" and "..." makes it seems like you don't want to talk to me and makes me feel like a nuisance for bothering you
[10/9/2011 9:54:31 PM]Me: But in general, you just say the wrong things sometimes
[10/9/2011 9:56:09 PM] M. Paff: ur like the 3rd person 2 say im an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:56:14 PM] M. Paff: or that im below them
[10/9/2011 9:56:16 PM] M. Paff: or im a retard
[10/9/2011 9:56:21 PM] M. Paff: or im scum
[10/9/2011 9:56:23 PM] Me: I'm not saying you're below me
[10/9/2011 9:56:25 PM] M. Paff: in the past 2 days
[10/9/2011 9:56:27 PM] Me: or you're a retard or a scum
[10/9/2011 9:57:23 PM] Me: like, you don't treat people the way they should be treated
[10/9/2011 9:57:43 PM] Me: are you okay?
[10/9/2011 10:08:29 PM] Me: I feel like if I was really a good friend, I should come over right now because you seriously don't sound okay
[10/9/2011 10:08:40 PM] Me: but then sometimes you don't want me there
[10/9/2011 10:17:41 PM] M. Paff: im sure
[10/9/2011 10:19:03 PM] Me: do you want me over?
[10/9/2011 10:19:08 PM] M. Paff: no
[10/9/2011 10:19:14 PM] Me: k
[10/9/2011 10:19:17 PM] Me: are you feeling better?
[10/9/2011 10:19:19 PM] M. Paff: no
And when I thought I was done with him, he pulls shit like this. Like, leaving him now would mean that I'm a bad friend, that I'm only there when times are good. I'm trying. Believe me. I'm trying. But it's so hard when the other person is unresponsive and isn't willing to communicate at all.
Let me tell you something. Bitching out feels so good. I bitch out to Mlle. Chu and Mlle. Yee and they totally listen. Mlle. Yee thinks he should make more of an effort, and Mlle. Chu thinks I shouldn't abandon him now. Then we talk about Mlle. Chu's problem. I'd love to have her problem than my problem.
But Mlle. Nguyen's problem is the worst. I come back from the bathroom to Mlle. Yee awkwardly chatting with M. Nikitin on Skype while Mlle. Nguyen cries silently next to our laundry.I hug her and try to comfort her, but she seems so upset. Then I signals Mlle. Yee to cut off the conversation so we can deal with Mlle. Nguyen first.
Poor thing. She misses her mom and her old friends and the ways things used to be over the summer. Me too...well, the last part though. And her whole problem with M. Nikitin is just a giant mess, especially since we're mutual friends. She's sleeping over and since Mlle. Yee and I are both sick, we're sharing a bed.
M. Nikitin's given me and Mlle. Yee some medicine for our flu. I hope it works cause we're doing major bonding over boiling water and getting the packages open without scissors late at night in the dark while trying to not make a sound.
Well, let's start with the good things this week. The day before yesterday, the bunch of us slept over at M. Nikitin's room. Then yesterday, we all hungout and stayed up hella late and had lots of fun. Then today we go with M. Nikitin to the beach clean up.
The beach's so fucking nice. We've made plans to bike there the Sunday after next. I'm so excited.
Then the bad shit:
So I haven't been hanging out or talking to M. Paff lately because I'm tired of being the only one making an effort. So yesterday, he messaged me on Skype and asked why he couldn't make friends. Well, buddy your problem isn't with making friends; it's keeping them that's the problem. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "Nothing," so I was like, "Then why did you bother to even ask me if you weren't going to talk about it?" He was like, "Fine. Then leave me alone." I was like, "K. Well, there's your answer."
Mlle. Nguyen was there, and she asked why I put up with it. I've been asking myself that question quite frequently these past few weeks.
Getting pissed at each other right before Mlle. Mayeda came over was a bad idea. He calls me on Skype at noon to let me know that she's arrived, but I miss it because of the beach clean up. Then I borrow Mlle. Yee's phone to call him. He calls me back after a while and brings Mlle. Mayeda over. I give her a very warm welcome, and he's like, "How come I don't get a smile?" and I'm like, "Cause you're you."
The three of us hang out in my common room and eventually end up in his room, watching funny videos on YouTube. The whole time, we're sitting very near each other to the point of almost touching, but I always move myself away when we do touch. Sure, at that range, I'm very attracted, but I feel more empowered holding myself back then letting myself go. I was supposed to get dinner with a bunch of people at 6:30, but Mlle. Mayeda has to leave at 6:30, so the three of us go eat an hour earlier.
It's nice when we're with her, but once she leaves, the pleasantness goes away. When I wave to someone who's staring at me while running, he says that I'm embarrassing sometimes, and I'm like, "Well, you're boring, and I'd rather be strange than be boring." After that, it's total silence. He walks like, five feet in front of me, and I don't even bother to keep pace with him. Then he just walks back to his hall without saying good bye, but since I'm civilized and well-mannered, I yell goodbye and leave.
Then I get home and hangout with the girls. Mlle. Yee knows about whole thing with M. Paff so she asks about it. Then later that night, he messages me on Skype again and the conversation goes like this:
[10/9/2011 9:09:18 PM] M. Paff: lemme ask u sumthing
[10/9/2011 9:09:30 PM] Me: ask away
[10/9/2011 9:09:42 PM] M. Paff: am i an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:09:51 PM] Me: yeah
[10/9/2011 9:09:56 PM] M. Paff: k :/
[10/9/2011 9:10:23 PM] Me: would you rather that I lie?
[10/9/2011 9:45:40 PM] M. Paff: cool.
[10/9/2011 9:46:47 PM] Me: are you hurt?
[10/9/2011 9:48:08 PM] M. Paff: why am i an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:52:38 PM] Me: I feel like you don't value our friendship as much as you should
[10/9/2011 9:53:43 PM] Me: Like, you replying "k" and "..." makes it seems like you don't want to talk to me and makes me feel like a nuisance for bothering you
[10/9/2011 9:54:31 PM]Me: But in general, you just say the wrong things sometimes
[10/9/2011 9:56:09 PM] M. Paff: ur like the 3rd person 2 say im an idiot
[10/9/2011 9:56:14 PM] M. Paff: or that im below them
[10/9/2011 9:56:16 PM] M. Paff: or im a retard
[10/9/2011 9:56:21 PM] M. Paff: or im scum
[10/9/2011 9:56:23 PM] Me: I'm not saying you're below me
[10/9/2011 9:56:25 PM] M. Paff: in the past 2 days
[10/9/2011 9:56:27 PM] Me: or you're a retard or a scum
[10/9/2011 9:57:23 PM] Me: like, you don't treat people the way they should be treated
[10/9/2011 9:57:43 PM] Me: are you okay?
[10/9/2011 10:08:29 PM] Me: I feel like if I was really a good friend, I should come over right now because you seriously don't sound okay
[10/9/2011 10:08:40 PM] Me: but then sometimes you don't want me there
[10/9/2011 10:17:41 PM] M. Paff: im sure
[10/9/2011 10:19:03 PM] Me: do you want me over?
[10/9/2011 10:19:08 PM] M. Paff: no
[10/9/2011 10:19:14 PM] Me: k
[10/9/2011 10:19:17 PM] Me: are you feeling better?
[10/9/2011 10:19:19 PM] M. Paff: no
And when I thought I was done with him, he pulls shit like this. Like, leaving him now would mean that I'm a bad friend, that I'm only there when times are good. I'm trying. Believe me. I'm trying. But it's so hard when the other person is unresponsive and isn't willing to communicate at all.
Let me tell you something. Bitching out feels so good. I bitch out to Mlle. Chu and Mlle. Yee and they totally listen. Mlle. Yee thinks he should make more of an effort, and Mlle. Chu thinks I shouldn't abandon him now. Then we talk about Mlle. Chu's problem. I'd love to have her problem than my problem.
But Mlle. Nguyen's problem is the worst. I come back from the bathroom to Mlle. Yee awkwardly chatting with M. Nikitin on Skype while Mlle. Nguyen cries silently next to our laundry.I hug her and try to comfort her, but she seems so upset. Then I signals Mlle. Yee to cut off the conversation so we can deal with Mlle. Nguyen first.
Poor thing. She misses her mom and her old friends and the ways things used to be over the summer. Me too...well, the last part though. And her whole problem with M. Nikitin is just a giant mess, especially since we're mutual friends. She's sleeping over and since Mlle. Yee and I are both sick, we're sharing a bed.
M. Nikitin's given me and Mlle. Yee some medicine for our flu. I hope it works cause we're doing major bonding over boiling water and getting the packages open without scissors late at night in the dark while trying to not make a sound.
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