Je ne sais quoi

With the weather outside today, my hot vegetarian chicken noodle soup tastes so much better than usual. That, grilled cheese sandwiches, classical music, and painting totally made up for that crappy day that I had.

Sometimes I hate it when Mlle. Yasakova joins us for lunch. When she does, it just feels like I'm being left out. Maybe it's all in my head--I sure hope it's all in my head, but I feel annoyed when both Mlle. Smith and Velasco talk to her, and then there's me feeling kind of annoyed. Thank God Mlle. Jang was there to keep me company.

I have this insane fear of being replaced. I don't know why. I just have a fear that one day someone who remotely looks like me will try and steal all my friends by impersonating me, and no one will know because she'll wear my clothes, talk like me, and walk like me. That's why I make sure that I have a distinctive style that is not easily imitate, buy clothes are not standardized and easily bought somewhere else, have some articles of clothing handmade to make sure that only one copy exists in the whole entire world. I make sure that that things I do are of a wide variety of interests so that my existence is memorable and hard to imitate. It's a stupid fear, but I can kind of guess where it's coming from. If I was replaceable, it wouldn't matter if I existed or not, and I didn't just live for 18 years to find out that it wouldn't matter if I was there or wasn't there. And here I am again talking like a crazy person.

My mother's mad at my dad, so she took my car to work today, which means I didn't have a ride home when it was semi-drizzling. Of course, I sucked it up like a big girl and walked home.

I looked up YouTube videos on how to say basic French expressions since I'll be taking French next year for my foreign language requirement regardless of my mother's ill opinion of it. It is really hard, I have to admit, but thousands of others can do it, I can do it. If I don't have the talent for it, at least I have the perseverance and dedication. I find it easier to hear the pronunciation and know how to pronounce words first before looking at the text because French is not a phonetic language, so the words always trip me up. Especially the pronunciation for the letter "r". I can't get it right. Not even close.

Depersonalization is such an interesting disorder. I would get so freaked out if I had that because I would totally think my reflection is possessed. I totally would.